


Guided by a Compass, I Saw Beauty to the North

by Quinnoid



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: 174 spoilers, Comfort, Discussion of animal attack, Dissociation, F/F, Healthy Coping Mechanisms, Loosely Canon Compliant, Sprinkling in a bit of homebrewed backstory, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Until whatever 175 brings, discussions of scars, referenced canon character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27294697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quinnoid/pseuds/Quinnoid
Summary: Kiko still can’t get the loop of Azu flying off the ship out of her head.
Relationships: Azu/Kiko (Rusty Quill Gaming)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	Guided by a Compass, I Saw Beauty to the North

**Author's Note:**

> Title by Rose Tattoo ~ Dropkick Murphys
> 
> Hi was anyone else saddened by the distinct lack of Kiko in 174? Because I sure was.
> 
> Edit: Apologies!! Missed a tag.

Kiko presses herself harder into Azu, partially for warmth, partially because she's still trembling with adrenaline and fear. The crash is still replaying in her mind, over and over again. Zolf losing control. One of the engines choking before firing back up again. Freidrich losing his balance at the sudden surge and tumbling over the side, his guideline snapping moments before Azu can catch him. Azu following him, her guideline not even standing a chance as the ship suddenly catches a tree and spins, sending her flying and ripping the line and part of the track right off. Neither Azu or Kiko had even had time to scream. Three of the kobolds, who’d been hanging onto each other, losing their grips as well. And then she can’t see anything else, just green and brown and white as snow and trees explode up around them. 

And then, there was silence. That haunting, horrible silence, when she didn’t know who was just hurt and who was dead. Kiko had heard of ships crashing, had heard of the various fight, flight, or freeze responses that crewmembers experienced. She always thought she would fight, would immediately be running into the action to find bodies and take stock of the ship. Instead, she could only stand, frozen in place as the displaced snow settled all around her. She didn’t move until Azu came up with Barnes, alive and walking on her own. Kiko nearly broke down crying, but instead, she ran after Azu and helped her bring Carter’s body back. 

The rest is a blur. Azu left at some point, she knows that. But there’s nothing else. Just a retelling of events over and over until she can’t be sure she can trust her own memories. Then Azu’s arms finally wrap tightly around her, her voice rumbling through Kiko’s head as she says.. something. It grounds her, brings her back to herself. Kiko looks up to see Azu staring down, sees the concern and love and some other emotions that she can’t identify. She still can’t get the loop of Azu flying off the ship out of her head. 

“Hey, Kiko. C’mon love,” Azu’s voice is gentle and warm and surrounds her entirely. “Alright, I know. Okay, I know.” Kiko realizes she’s crying, proper crying, and Azu scoops her up into a hug and carries her away from the others. She latches on, not caring about the armor pinching her arms. The pain is grounding too. Azu walks through a hole in the ship’s hull and makes her way to a familiar corner of the cargo hold.

Kiko wriggles out of Azu’s arms and lands on shaky legs that can’t quite support her yet. Her little alcove isn’t trashed, but it’s clear the crash shook everything up. Azu stands still as she straightens everything, needing _something_ to do to keep her mind from replaying that crash again. It doesn’t work. The frustration gets the better of her for a moment, and she just freezes again. It’s not like she was hurt or anything, and Azu _was_ hurt. And Kiko’s just standing in front of her, not even trying to comfort _her_ or anything.

“Kiko.” Azu’s voice cuts through the negative fog easily.

“I’m sorry, Azu.” Kiko croaks through choking tears. “I just. I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s alright. I’m alright.” Azu steps forward and holds an armored hand out for Kiko to take. She just stares at it.

“Are you? You fell so hard.. I thought I had just watched you die!”

“It’ll take a bit more than that.” Azu smiles, but it’s twisted and shows off the chipped tusk and pulls the scar over her eyebrow taut. Kiko brushes her fingers down the scar, follows it down to her cheek, notices the flecks of old scars and injuries never healed magically, then steps back. 

“Right.” Kiko takes another shaky breath. It’s time to be there for Azu like she wasn’t- “Where are you hurt?” 

“Hurt?”

“You fell out of the bloody sky. Where are you hurt?”

“I’m.. Actually, I’m not.”

“Bullshit!” Kiko exclaims, then winces and checks her tone. “S-sorry. Really? Not at all?”

“Really. Not at all. Zolf healed me. Here.” Azu starts to unbuckle her armor at the breastplate, and with each piece that comes off, Kiko starts to believe her. There’s not a scratch, bruise, or blemish on her skin. When her gauntlets are set on the floor, Kiko catches her arm and traces her eyes over a beautiful rose tattoo she’s never noticed before and then sees the deep scars beneath it. Her breath hitches a bit, as does Azu’s, when she touches it gently. 

“That’s uhm. I got that back in Hiroshima. The tattoo, not the scars.”

When Azu doesn’t continue, Kiko looks up. “Tell me about it?” She still doesn’t say anything, and Kiko bites her lip. “Or, you don’t have to, I just- I don’t know much about you. The stories behind your scars. Your tattoo. Or tattoos. Whichever. And I thought you were dead and I’d never even asked and-” She can’t finish the sentence because her heart clenches, and she digs her fingers into Azu’s forearm. 

Azu takes her own shaky breath. “I’ll trade you.” She whispers, and Kiko feels fingers brush over the long scar that starts on her shoulder and winds down her back. It’s almost always hidden by her shirt, and she checks and- yep, it still is. She raises her eyebrows in surprise before nodding and helping Azu out of the rest of her armor. While they work, Azu talks.

“Back before I followed Aphrodite, I lived on a farm in Kenya, high in the mountains. My brother and I helped our parents with everything. Farming, taking care of the animals, cleaning. My mom always griped when I went out to work with Emeka on the fences, but I was always stronger than him and could reset poles and restring wire much faster. We were out working on one of the fences one day and I slipped. I fell, hard, and ended up landing on an outcrop a little ways below. Emeka didn’t even think, just jumped down after me.” She chuckles. 

“He’s like that. Always so protective, always jumping to rescue me when I fell. I used to fall all the time. Grew a bit too fast for my mind to keep up, my mom always said. But, he landed weird. His leg went the wrong way and broke.” Azu shivers at the memory. They’ve gotten her armor off completely, and Kiko leads her over to the nest of blankets and pillows. After Azu settles underneath a blanket, Kiko curls up next to her.

“We were, well I was walking back, holding him, when we heard the growls. We were always told as kids not to go playing after dark, that if you hear the laughing, to come inside immediately. Hyenas are.. Well, they don’t look it, but they’re strong and can be quite aggressive. I set him down, grabbed a couple heavy rocks, and we waited. That was uh, that was the mistake. They got to surround us that way. Emeka couldn’t help much, he was in too much pain, so I protected him. One of them got me, and didn’t let go until..” Azu trails off. Kiko traces the lines of her tattoo, carefully skirting around the marks beneath. “We survived, obviously. Got back to my village and a paladin of Aphrodite happened to be passing through and was able to help heal me and Emeka. And then I left for the temple in Cairo a few days later.”

“Oh.” 

“Yeah. It’s not so bad, really. I just.. It’s one of the last memories I have of Emeka. We met up again after some.. Some things happened, but not for long. I miss him. A lot.” Azu shifts, and Kiko finds herself sliding further into her lap. 

“I imagine.” Kiko whispers and wraps her arms around Azu as best she can. The position is a bit awkward though, and after a minute she sits up while Azu resituates herself.

“So. How about yours then?” She asks after they’re fully settled again. Kiko smirks a little bit. 

“I was struck by lightning.” Azu gasps, and Kiko pulls back, and after checking to make sure it was alright, tugs her shirt over her head. She turns away to show the red and purple marks that are burned from her left shoulder down to the small of her back. 

“Oh.” Kiko feels gentle fingers brush against the beginning of the scar, before jerking away. “Sorry, sorry! May I?”

Kiko grins over her shoulder. “Of course. I never get to show this one off.” 

“Oh really? Why?” She asks as her fingers ghost over the main branch, a knotted, angry thing that still twinges when storms are coming.

Kiko chuckles. “It’s bad luck. Being an airship crewmember who got struck by lightning? Can you imagine the superstition? No captain in their right mind would hire me. Sucks too, ‘cause this one’s probably the coolest I’ve got. I was being an idiot, playing in the rain when I was a kid. Elbert always warned me not to, but I never really listened at that age. So of course, lightning got me, and the healers were a bit overworked already. They did their best, healed most of the branching scars, but the main one stayed.”

“Wow. That’s.. That’s impressive. Scary, but impressive. And you still fly even though.. You know?” Azu leans back to let her pull her shirt back on.

“Well, yeah. I know the risks.. Although.. After this I uhm, I might not. Fly anymore, that is.” Kiko shrugs, making an attempt at nonchalance she’s certain Azu will see through. She’s thankful Azu doesn’t push it. “Is what it is. I’ve heard being a paladin of Aphrodite is pretty nice.”

Azu laughs a little bit, and her heart swells a little bit. Being able to make Azu laugh, really laugh, after.. Everything that had already happened? That’s a good feeling. That’s all Kiko has been after, after.. Failing her so badly like she did earlier. Azu would hate it if she heard these thoughts. But then the flash of pink trailing after her like a comet tail comes back to Kiko, and she stiffens. 

“Hey. You alright?” Azu doesn’t pull her in, but she can feel how much she wants to. Kiko wants to lie, to tell her of course, she’s fine, but when she turns back around to see Azu watching her so gently, with no judgement whatsoever, she just sighs.

“No. I’m.. I’m trying really, really hard to not break again by just.. Ignoring today. Ignoring it all. But it’s not working out well.”

“Oh, love,” Azu whispers and puts her hand on her cheek. “It’s alright to not be okay. Ignoring it won’t make it go away.”

“No! It isn’t! This should be the other way around, you should be the one not okay and.. And I didn’t even lose anyone I was close to but you lost two people and you fell out of the sky and almost died! How are you just.. How are you so calm? How are you not losing your mind?”

“Kiko. Today was traumatic for everyone. You _are_ allowed to not be okay. And, honestly? I’m only calm because of this.” She taps the tattoo lightly. “Or, well, because of the reminder I got it for. It reminds me to trust in Aphrodite. That it’ll all be okay, it’ll all work out. And I believe even now, it will. The druids are here, and whatever happens, everything will be okay.”

“Wait.. Druids?”

“Did you.. Did you not realize there were druids?” Kiko shakes her head. “Oh. They showed up after I got back with Hamid. Cel said they were going to try to resurrect.. Uhm, everyone.”

She shifts back on Azu’s thighs. Resurrection. That’s a new one. “I was a bit out of it.” Kiko mumbles. 

“That’s alright.” Azu rests her hands on her sides in an unspoken question. Kiko falls forward immediately into the embrace. She craves the comfort Azu is always so willing to provide, and hopes that she can give in return. It’s quiet for a long while as they just drink in each other’s company. Kiko’s mind starts to wander back to the crash, back to the bodies. After a moment, she grits her teeth and forces it away. “Hey, Kiko?”  
  
“Yeah?”

“Thank you. I needed this.” Azu kisses the top of her head. “And I think it’s your turn to tell me a story.”

Kiko arches an eyebrow and looks up at her. “Uh uh. You didn’t actually tell me about your tattoo yet. Or tattoos?” She wiggles her eyebrows again until Azu grins broadly.

“Just the one.” She says. “Alright, then.”

They spend a long time in the alcove together, telling each other their stories. It’s just enough of a distraction that Kiko finally begins to feel at peace with herself. And when they do finally feel ready to emerge, both of them feel just a little bit better.

**Author's Note:**

> Kiko is so hard to write. It took about two weeks to get this.. right enough to post.


End file.
